Living Room

Hi! Welcome to this crazy joint. Check out the great games & jokes and..

..have yo' self a time!!

Tic-Tac-Toe
Do-Re-Mi by Homer Simpson
The Dishes
The Gay Bar
Say No to Drugs
Horse and Chicken

Tic Tac Toe

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Please note: If the applet seems slow, its because the graphic and the sound files have to download

DO RE MI


by Homer J. Simpson

     _------_
    /        \
   |          |
   |          |        *ahem*  La la la la....  *ahem*  LAAAAAAA!!
   |     __  __)
   |    /  \/  \        DO...... the stuff... that buys me beer...
  /\/\ (o   )o  )       RAY..... the guy that sells me beer...
  /     \__/ --.        ME...... the guy... who drinks the beer,
 (              )       FAR..... a long way to get beer...
  \_   _-------'        SO...... I'll have another beer...
   |  /        \        LA...... I'll have another beer...
   | | '\_______)       TEA..... no thanks, I'm drinking beer...
   |  \_____)            That will bring us back to...
   |_____ |
   |_____/\/\           (Looks into an empty glass)
   /         \
                        D'OH!
_______________________________________________________________________
" A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the
decency to thank her."

The Dishes

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.

Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."

Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE F**KING DISHES!!"

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The Gay Bar

This guy walks into a bar, and two steps in realises that it is a gay bar but says, "What the hell, I really want a drink."
The gay bartender approaches him and says "What's the name of your penis?"
The guy replies "Look, I'm not into that. All I want is a drink." The gay bartender says "I'm sorry but I can't serve you a drink unless you tell me the name of your penis."
So the guys says, "All right, what's the name of your penis?"
The gay bartender replies, "NIKE... you know, Just Do It!"
The guy thinks for a second and says, "The name of my penis is SECRET."
The gay bartender says, "SECRET?"
The guys says, "Yeah... strong enough for a man, but made for a woman!"

Say No to Drugs

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the 1st one, "How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this...

          _
        /    \
       |      |    O
        \ _  /

and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?"(to the 2nd boy).
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"
"Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles)

I said (pointing to the small circle) "this is your asshole before prison..."

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Horse and Chicken

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my penis and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

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